Who – adults as well as children – doesn’t like being given choice? This is a natural tendency, particularly for children, who are trying to find their way in the great big world. This desire is very powerful and can be used to our advantage.
We can’t always give children choice. But, if we think about it, we can allow many more choices than we might automatically offer. Of course, a key is to give choices we can support; follow-through is very important, so we can’t give options we aren’t truly willing to allow.
When we’re trying to support and expand a child’s use of words and increase vocabulary, choice is a wonderful place to start.
For example, we can ask, “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?” while holding each one in a hand, lifting or shaking them in turn. In doing so, we draw attention to the shirt that matches the words we say, which reinforces the vocabulary of color and of the clothing item. We aim for some sort of communication response from the child, at which point we respond – “Oh, the blue shirt! Great!” – and hand it to the child or help him put it on. By giving a verbal repetition of his choice, the child gets reinforcement that his communication was understood, and we also provide an example of the appropriate verbal response.
Our expectation for how a child responds is based on his level of communication at that time. We want to build on his understanding that communication helps him get what he desires, and that communication is powerful. As a child consistently makes choices, we increase our expectations for the complexity of his response.
For example, we can initially accept a mere eye gaze toward the choice item. Later, we can expect pointing to the choice item and then successively more complex responses:
- vocalization of any sound and looking at or gesturing to the choice item;
- attempting to verbalize even if it’s not an accurate-sounding word (any approximation counts) because we’ll shape responses over time to sound more and more like the conventionally spoken word;
- saying an actual word – i.e., “blue” or “shirt” – as he looks at or gestures toward the choice;
- saying the entire choice phrase – i.e., “blue shirt;”
- responding with an appropriate sentence – i.e., “I want the blue shirt.”
Choice-making is useful at this very simple level and can also be incorporated into much more complicated language tasks, such as learning pronouns, the use of verbs/adverbs/adjectives, practicing proper syntax and grammar, and developing higher-level cognition.
So many kids are searching for ways to express their personal preferences. Giving choice often defuses frustration or attempts to exert independence in more challenging ways. Offering children some choices in their everyday lives can often smooth out transitions. For example, if you’re getting ready to run an errand, ask a child who must accompany you, “Would you like to carry my bag or your teddy bear?” Or, with homeschool bookwork, we can say, “Do you want to do your math first, or should we start with reading?”
Making choices can also work as a distraction during challenging times and lets a child feel in charge of some part of a difficult situation. I have seen this work very powerfully in stressful situations, such as medical treatments, as well as in the ordinary small things of life.
And for teens, who are dealing with many demands on their minds and hearts, we can offer choices that, while still helping them meet goals, give them some level of control and individuality. Of course, even seasoned adults prefer to have choices, however small they may be. In fact, being able to assess options and make decisions is a good mental/cognitive skill we all need to master.
If you have any questions about this concept, or if I can be of assistance as you navigate offering choice to your kids, please feel free to reach out to me, Chris Yaeger, via my email HERE.
CY